Here’s Bill McCann again in his alter persona, Dear Crabby, with some answers to burning issues of our day.
Dear Crabby: I sent $100 deposit for a new Trump phone almost a year ago. I read that 600,000 other people did too. I was excited because it was advertised as made in America. I’m still waiting for it to arrive. Now I hear that the phone is a cheap knockoff made of Chinese parts. Have I been scammed? I voted for the president. Am I wrong to be disappointed in him over this cell phone thing?
Signed: Bobbie Lee from Texas
Dear Bobbie Lee: Are you kidding me? You have supported a loud-mouth, scamming, convicted criminal who lies incessantly; ignores the Constitution; broke his promise to keep us out of war; didn’t reduce inflation; and recently kissed the butt of the world’s top communist. But you draw the line at a cheap Chinese phone? You have been brainwashed. Remember that the next time you vote. Also, don’t buy his other stuff, including his Chinese-made bible and MAGA hats. Chinese gimme caps won’t Make America Great Again.
Dear Crabby: I am a 70-year-old retiree who depends on Social Security and Medicare, which I paid for all my working life. I had hoped to travel more but cannot afford it right now. The inflated costs of food, gasoline, electricity, car maintenance, and medicines are killing my bank account. Our president promised lower prices and I believed him. When can we expect things to improve?
Signed: Mildred from Maine
Dear Mildred: Are you kidding me? Your president promised a new and better health-care plan. He promised cheaper gas and 50 percent lower energy bills. He even promised that some drug prices would be so low that drugmakers would pay us to take them. He hasn’t kept any of those promises. Don’t hold your breath about lower prices anytime soon. Even Social Security and Medicare are now at risk. Remember that the next time you vote. Meanwhile, if you can’t travel, please don’t sit around watching Fox News. It will cause brain damage. Read the real news and read books. I suggest the novels “1984” and “The Handmaid’s Tale” for starters.
Dear Crabby: We may lose our farm due to tariffs and the high price of fuel for our machinery. Our neighbors are in the same bind. Plus, we can’t get enough fertilizer for crops. They say the fertilizer shortage is the fault of those darned Iranians blocking the Strait of Hormuz. But I’m confused. I thought we won the war against Iran on day-one. We have supported the president but are wondering if we made a mistake. We are waiting for the mailman every day for our promised government rebate check. Is there anything else we can do?
Signed: Farmer Fred from Iowa
Dear Farmer Fred: Are you kidding me? Your president promised to balance the federal budget and eliminate the national debt, although his tax cuts for the rich have added trillions to the debt. He promised cheaper gas and vowed not to start any wars. He promised Americans rebate checks from revenue collected from his stupid tariffs. He has failed to keep every one of those promises. You have been brainwashed. Remember that the next time you vote. Meanwhile, your rebate check is not in the mail. It probably never will be. But if you want to do something, perhaps you can truck some of the BS coming out of the White House to Iowa for fertilizer.
