More from our favorite journalist Bill McCann…
Dear Crabby: I keep seeing people in MAGA hats everywhere – at Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Chick-fil-A, Papa John’s Pizza, and Hobby Lobby. I thought most of them would have thrown out those hats after the president’s bizarre behavior, broken promises on the economy, the Iran fiasco, his failed ego trip to China, etc. Where can I go to avoid MAGAs?
Signed, A Concerned Patriot
Dear Patriot: Try the public library.
Dear Crabby: I missed my bus to the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol riot. I was supposed to meet friends there. The president asked us to go. By the time I arrived, the protest was over. I didn’t get a chance to break windows or punch policemen. I wasn’t arrested but I’m traumatized. Not only did I miss out on the action, but my friends laughed at me and called me a chicken. Should I try to cash in on the president’s new $1.8 billion anti-weaponization fund?
Signed, MAGA Mikey
Dear Mikey: Why not? Conspiracy wackos, Nazi sympathizers, and convicted criminals will be lining up for the taxpayer-paid payoffs. The line might as well include a misguided dude who can’t read a bus schedule.
Dear Crabby: I want to get a government job but haven’t had any luck. A friend said the best way to get hired is to insult the president. He said it worked for the current Secretary of State, who once called the president a “con artist.” And our current vice president once called him “America’s Hitler.” Any advice?
Signed, Job-hunting Hal
Dear Hal: Perhaps write the president a private message saying you have dirt on him and are going to blab it to the world if he doesn’t do what you ask. Maybe hint at creepy hotel stays in Russia. It looks like it worked for Vladimir Putin.
Dear Crabby: I heard that the president is planning a huge high-rise that will tower over the Miami skyline for his presidential library. It will include a golden escalator and gilded ballroom. What do you think about such extravagance?
Signed, A Retired Librarian
Dear Librarian: It seems like a waste of money and space for one book.
