More pearls of wisdom from our own Dear Crabby…
I had my annual Medicare physical and they only asked me to do a few easy things like drawing a clock. I requested the 30-part test that the president said he aced three times recently. The doctor laughed and said I didn’t need it because I didn’t show signs of dementia. I wanted to take the test to make sure my brain is as healthy as the president’s. Should I have demanded to take it?
Signed, Clara from Cleveland
Dear Clara,
No. If the president had to take that test three times, in a perfect world it shouldn’t be long before they need to take away the nuclear codes and his cell phone and put him in a nursing home where he will be spoon-fed meals by an underpaid nurse’s aide.
Dear Crabby,
Our homeowners association is threatening to fine me because there’s a pile of lumber in my yard and my chickens are loose because I’m rebuilding the henhouse. The HOA says it makes the neighborhood look bad. I saw photos of the White House in D.C. and wondered why the current occupant didn’t get threatened by his HOA for unpermitted projects, including paving a rose garden, building a massive fighting cage, and debris scattered over the lawn from tearing down part of the house. It’s not fair.
Signed, Jethro in Boca Raton
Dear Jethro,
The current White House occupant has terrible taste in landscaping and architecture. Unfortunately, he gets to appoint his own HOA, at least until 2028. Many people think he should get evicted now. Meanwhile, finish the henhouse so your neighborhood won’t look bad. Then you and your neighbors can focus on doing everything possible legally to dump this bully, who’s making the entire country look bad.
Dear Crabby,
Recently a guy named Bo French won the Republican primary runoff for a seat on the Texas Railroad Commission. French says if he’s elected, he will work to ban Muslims in Texas. I know the Commission doesn’t regulate railroads but regulates natural gas utilities and the oil and gas industry. Does it also get to decide who lives in Texas?
Signed, Farid from Frisco
Dear Farid,
Not yet, but you never know about the Texas Legislature. French baselessly fears a Muslim takeover in Texas. I hear he also fears Bigfoot, the Bogeyman, and the Tooth Fairy.
Dear Crabby,
The president recently admitted calling Israel’s prime minister “effing crazy” for continuing to attack Hezbollah, an ally of Iran, while the U.S. is negotiating a peace accord with Iran. Meanwhile, the U.S. and Iran are still attacking each other. What does that make the president, who started the war with Iran in the first place?
Signed, Dan from Delaware
Dear Dan,
He’s either effing crazy or high from sniffing too much tanning spray.
Dear Crabby,
I attended the New York Knicks-San Antonio Spurs championship basketball game in New York where the president got loudly booed. Like most attendees, I joined in the booing. What do you think about us booing the president?
Signed, Nathan from Manhattan
Dear Nathan,
I didn’t hear the boos from my house in Texas. You weren’t loud enough.
Dear Crabby,
Republican statewide officeholders are promising again to “fix what Democrats have broken in Texas.” But Republicans have controlled the state for more than 30 years. I think they did the breaking. How much time should we give them before kicking them all out?
Signed, Sadie in San Saba
Dear Sadie.
Election Day, Nov. 3.
